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If They Build It, They Will Come

If the New York Staten Island Wheel (and accompanying Empire Outlets and hotel) project, recently approved by the New York City Council, actually gets built, I’ll be impressed. These kinda things just don’t get done out here on Da Rock. Something, always, gets thrown into the gears and sends the dreams to smithereens.

To me, the project’s driving concept is silly, and the rest is just straight up, flat out, batshit insanity. There really ain’t much to see when (if) you get to the top of the Wheel. I used to live in a St. Mark’s Place apartment building, with a better (altitude-wise) view from my roof than The Wheel will provide.

Other than North, it’s completely “Meh” vistas as far as the eye can see:

  • North: Manhattan’s skyline (whoop-de-frickin’ doo!);
  • East: Queens, Brooklyn and the VZ Bridge;
  • South: nuthin’;
  • West: Bayonne, NJ, and on a clear day… Ohio?

Yeah, yeah, yeah: “on a clear day you can see [insert].” Who really pays money for that? Idiots. The two other facets of this cunning plan, the outlet mall and hotel, are destined to crash and burn, because they belie the central idea of your average New York City tourist. No one, other than retarded traveling salesman, is gonna book a room in that hotel. No one, other than a complete schnook, is gonna shop at those outlet stores.

But after the initial push, Reality–in that “it’s right next door to New Brighton”–will kick in.

Make no mistake: the project kids will blast that place. They’ll wait out the cops. Like any goof Taliban soldier, they understand that the guns will disperse; the security will go lax….

And then they own those tourists.

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