As I said while ripping Teh Magic Negro for knocking the greatest piece of Christmas television off the schedule for some transient political bloviating, there are certain things you just don’t screw with.
I thought that would be the last of it, for my part.
However, when the show was eventually presented, a far, far greater crime was committed by Disney’s douchebag suits:
How could you?
For years and years I have awaited the network broadcast of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as the true herald of the holiday season. I brought my kids up with the same tradition — one which has been made no less special for us by the fact that they happen to be Jewish.
Tonight we sat in horror and watched what you have done to the single greatest cartoon ever made.
How many minutes did you cut out of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” so you could run more commercials?
Gone was Sally’s materialistic letter to Santa, which finally sends Charlie screaming from the room when she says she will settle for 10s and 20s.
Gone was Schroeder’s miraculous multiple renditions of “Jingle Bells” from a toy piano, including the one that sounds distinctly like a church organ.
Gone was Linus using his blanket as an improvised slingshot to knock a can off the fence no one else can hit, complete with ricochet sound effect.
Gone were the kids catching snowflakes on their tongues and commenting on their flavor.
Gone even was poor Shermy’s only line. He thought he had it bad because he was always tasked to play a shepherd. He had no idea.
And why were all these classic scenes cut? To plug more ads into the show, of course.
These bastards took a knife to one of the greatest things evah! in the history of broadcast television, and for what?
TO DIRECTLY REFUTE THE WHOLE DAMN MEANING OF THE SHOW.