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Reasons to be Thankful

NEWPORT, UNITED KINGDOM - JUNE 14:  (UK TABLOI...Image by Getty Images via DaylifeI have a bunch of them; probably the same number as things I wish I didn’t screw up this past year.

But one thing is sure: I’m thankful I ain’t a dip like this:

The young man, wearing a shirt and a tie, turned up just as the pantry operated by an Iowa food bank was closing for the night.

He knew it was after-hours. That’s why he was there.

He kept his gaze downward as he told the woman from the food bank that he had lost his job, had a wife and kids and was too embarrassed and ashamed to stand in line to receive a bag of groceries that hopefully would feed his family for a week.

I have a master’s degree. I shouldn’t have to do this, he said.

Son? While I never wore an onion on my belt, I can tell you one thing I learned from dudes that did:

Don’t you DARE tell me about you being “too embarrassed and ashamed to stand in line to receive a bag of groceries” when it comes to feeding your wife and kids.

If you have such a degree (or even exist, since the passage is written in a manner that could make one wonder if the author just made this fucker up), you, allegedly, should not be an idiot. So answer these questions:

>>What useless crap did you “Master” at?
>>How many people in that line would have recognized you?
>>Is your ego more important than feeding your family?

I have endured a number of things this past year that made me bite my tongue and dig fingernails into the meat of my palms while squeezing my fists, doing things that made me feel like a neutered twit. I’d listen to douchebags just like you–paper educated morons–because I had to do it if I wanted to meet my nut.

So I swallowed my pride at those times. I listened to douchebags like you, who thought they were better than me because they wrote a fucking thesis paper.

Funny thing is, I’ve written a zillion of those papers (for a fee; there are at least fifteen CSI grads who owe their sheepskins to me), on all kinda different subjects, when I was building my fiscal independence. Unless you MA’d in particle physics, I mayhaps know more about your subject than you.

And I understand that, no matter how smarty, cocky, better than a douche like you I may be–with a paycheck track record to back that arrogance up–any frackin’ day it can all be taken away.

But I’m Thankful I am not a mewling, chickenshit fuck like you, who thinks that somehow somebody owes me my dream to succeed.

I THANK GOD I realize it’s all up to me.

But you? I guess you’re the epitome of the question Johnny Rotten asked the crowd in San Francisco after playing a song that might have been all about you (or the Nutroots):

Ya ever feel like you been cheated?

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