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Archive for "May 27 2008"

Soccer is the Land of Douchebags

Exhibit 6,428 in why I’ll never understand soccer’s appeal: Is this really some great shakes? Can’t most pro players (and even plenty of amateurs) hit an open net from far away? And yet, somehow, it’s a bona fide YouTube phenomenon, with 1.1 million views of this particular clip and literally nine other versions of it in the YT top 100.

What am I missing? Leg strength basic accuracy favorable wind conditions = a gimme, no? Is this just a byproduct of the collective European mancrush on Beckham?

Hot Air » Blog Archive » Video: The 60-yard goal

Personally, back in my days between the pipes, the moment the other team pulled their goalie I was all sorts of “Jesus gimme the goddamn puck and watch me score!” and that net was only six foot across and 200 feet away.

And I finally pulled it off… on a bank shot.

“I WAS NOT JUST CLEARING THE PUCK, YOU SCHMUCK. IT’S CALLED GEOMETRY. YOU FUCKING LOSER!”

Mad brawl immediately broke out. I didn’t give a damn; I made a point! And when the ref, Tony Meatball, threatened to toss me I said, “Even you aren’t stupid enough to throw me out with fourteen seconds left in me pitching a shutout. Those idiots in the stands will set your car on fire. So just shut the fuck up and drop the goddamned puck you stupid little fat fuck.”

We played those last 14 seconds five on three. I think I set a still-standing record for “penalty minutes against a goalie” that year, because in the back of my mind I was Billy Smith and “holy shit! these guys in front of me are gonna get me killed.”

“Imperial Torturer?” When the hell was that interview held, and why wasn’t I informed?

Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler » Why The LefTards Hate NASCAR

I still, to this day, have no idea whatsoever was the thought behind Emperor Misha making me a member of the “Dept. of information.”

I think–think, mind you–a shared inherent disgust of bitches like Shlussy and that crazed catholic writing the checks at Hot Air had something to do with it.

Your mileage may vary.

From the Blogfadda’s House

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