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Wife™ asks: “Are You Out of Your Friggin Mind?”

ME: “What did I do this time?”

SHE: “Do you know what time it is?”

ME (glances at clock, which is not yelling ‘midnight’): “Yes.”

SHE: (smacks me upside the head; a passing glance)

SHE: “TURN DOWN THE MUSIC.”

ME: (yokes the remote) “It’s Eddie and the Cruisers.”

(to this day, twelve years into this thing, she still doesn’t get what’s up with me, the Ramones, and Southside Johnny and the Jukes.)

SHE: “Gimme your car keys.”

ME: “You want my car keys?”

SHE: “NOW, MISTER.”

I hand them over… what the hell? There is a second set sitting in a drawer five feet away from me… and I wasn’t even thinking about going anywhere farther than the backyard until She brought it up…

presses button on cell phone for voice commands:

PHONE: “Say a command.”
ME: “Call the Spic.”
PHONE: “Did you say, “Call the Spic”?
ME: “DUH!”
PHONE: “Calling…”

Me, Manny, and me looking to just make Wife™ pissed off crazy right to high heaven’s gate….

Yeah, there’s probably at least a misdemeanor wrapped up in this fucking bowtie.

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