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Archive for "Aug 04 2007"

C-A, T-U-R, D-A-Y, yikes!

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WWdN: Why Television Sucks

After I bailed out of Wall Street I dicked around for awhile and eventually ended up at CSI (officially: College of Staten Island; later redefined as College of Sickening Indifference). In a Playwriting class we were assigned the task of taking a short story and converting it into a two/three act play that came in under an hour. I chose “Paladin of the Lost Hour.” My prof, Herb Liebman, gave me an “A” and told me “get out of here, fast. You’re just wasting time,” and got me an intern job working for the tall guy from “Manhunter,” Tom Noonan, who wanted nothing to do with me after six weeks because i was so glib about the stuff he was producing at his little “way the fuck off” Off Broadway theatre. “Yeah right, Tommy. I’m supposed to work the lights for this shit and care, too? These plays make no sense and your audience are fucking poseurs.”

I think what really pissed him off was that I was thirty-plus, and refused to bow at his feet. “Dude, your biggest role was playing a freak! now I’m supposed to believe you are an artiste?”

Herb had been telling me that “run away” shit since a Summer session of “Comp 101” I attended with him, before “official” school started. I wrote some wild harangue masquerading as a deconstruction of “Hamlet.” My thesis was “everyone got Hammie wrong; he wasn’t hesitant, he was just conflicted, for a brief moment, to going on the all too needed killing spree needed to cleanse the soul of Denmark. So he went “mental” to draw his targets out. Ophelia was collatoral damage; everyone else earned it.”

Herb said, “you really believe this shit?”
ME “Absolutely. It’s why I wrote it.”
Herb: “You’re an idiot.”

Anyway, Herb kept pushing me, and I kept saying, “Herb, this is just practice. I just wanna hone the chops I think I got. I have no intention of teaching English, or dreaming I’m gonna write the next American novel. I wanna write something… just one fucking thing, that will drive everybody crazy… especially my Ma, who as far as I know has never gone to a Broadway show that wasn’t singing and dancing.”

So, of course, I now make my dime writing copywrite drivel for roughly twelve nickels a word, and fixing morons computers. Say.La.Vee.


You diss Harlan Ellison, you draw Wheaton’s wrath:

There’s a new show on ABC that I’ve been really excited about, called Masters of Science Fiction. It adapts classic stories from, well, masters like Harlan Ellison and Robert Heinlein. It also appears to be dead on arrival, though, because it’s too “artistic” for ABC’s president of entertainment, who has put it in a “Television Siberia” where it is guaranteed to fail.

WWdN: In Exile >>this is why television sucks

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