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Archive for "Aug 02 2007"

Oh Captain, My Captain

Possibly the Stupidest Sports Hack on the Planet

I’m serious. After skimming over a couple of his other columns, this crap: How Sox’s Deal for Gagne Helps Yanks, only hints at what an ass Steven Goldman truly is when writing about baseball.

Calling him “mind-bogglingly dumb” would be an understatement. In “TC’s Personal Dictionary (Baseball Edition)” his mug will hereby ride aside the definition of “Clueless Fuck.”

Don’t Call Him “Wesley”

In the role he was born for, Wil Wheaton is… Übergeek!

Once I arrived at Comic-Con, my fears were put entirely to rest. My fellow geeks were everywhere: guys with ponytails and trench coats, mostly-naked women and the men who think they have a chance to score with them, and some of the most elaborate and awesome Transformers costumes I’ve ever seen. After suffering through the highest concentration of Hollywood fuckery I’ve seen in a decade, it felt good to be back among my people, even if the Hollywood fucks just thought of us all as a giant focus group and invaded our party as a result.

C’mon, Wil, don’t hold back; tell us what you really think.

This makes me wonder something: if we actually are a huge focus group, wouldn’t they, you know, listen to us? We’re not just a huge market with a lot of disposable income for you to exploit; we actually care about this stuff, and if you keep fucking it up, we’re going to stop buying it. Think I’m bluffing? Go talk to anyone associated with Elektra. Or Captain America. Or Fantastic Four. Or Ghostrider. Or League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Or Daredevil.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Lord of the Rings proved that it’s possible to please the geeks and the mainstream audiences by simply serving the story that’s endured for decades, not making it “fresh” or “new” or “dumbed down by an industry fuck because he’s too stupid to understand it.”

Now, it’s not entirely Hollywood’s fault. It’s not that they don’t want to understand us, it’s that they’re incapable of understanding us. A studio fuck who wants to bury his face in a mountain of blow while two whores he picked up at the Rainbow Room spit on each other doesn’t live in the same world as a comic book geek who wants to bury his face in the collected works of Neil Gaiman while his girlfriend gets dressed up as slave girl Leia.

Oh good Lord, you gotta go read it all.

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