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Holy Shit! I Just Realized I’m Screwed for the Winter

Football: Jets? Giants? Fuck you and your hapless bastard asses. If both your little prima dick QBs break their legs I’m buying a round for the house.
Yankees: Bastards! I’ll deal with you fuckers later.
Basketball: You’re kidding right? The Knicks? Burn the Garden Down. And I love JZ, but fuck to hell with the Nets.
Hockey: The Diabolical Trio
Rangers? (see above, re Knicks); really, until all the Dolans die…
Islanders? Pleeeze…that much money for a shitbag goalie?
Devils? How much can Lamorello yank from thin air and plant on Marty’s shoulders this friggin year without one scary bastard standing on the blue line daring fuckers to look down at the puck on the end of their stick for that one magnificent instant where he’ll jump up and tear their fucking head off?

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