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Archive for "Jun 19 2006"

Tell Me Gore Ain’t Fucked from the Neck Up


Earlier this morning I read this Weekly Standard article about the current “Net Neutrality” battle: Give Me Bandwidth . . . and liked an idea the author put forward:

Here’s an idea: Start screaming like a madman and using four letter words–like K-E-L-O. And fancier words like “eminent domain.” I know, I know. This sounds wrong. These are privately/government owned wires hanging on poles living on my property.

But so what? The government-mandated owners have been neglecting for years–we are left with techno-slums in need of redevelopment. Horse-drawn trolleys ruled cities, too, but had to be destroyed to make way for progress. How do we rip the telco’s trolley tracks out from under their collective ass, and enable something modern and real competition?

Forget the argument that telcos need to be guaranteed a return on investment or they won’t upgrade our bandwidth. No one guarantees Intel a return before they spend billions in R&D on their next Pentium chip to beat their competitors at AMD. No one guarantees Cisco a return on their investment before they deploy their next router to beat Juniper. In real, competitive markets, the market provides access to capital.

My ISP, Time-Warner’s Road Runner service, gives me–right now–roughly 1200 Kbps (according to Cnet’s Bandwidth Meter Speed Test) on the Airport-equipped iBook I’m using; accessing a wireless router upstairs in my office (which has four other machines connected by CAT5, and they’re all running and doing something ‘net related). Which is more or less okay an okay number, but nothing to write home about.

But tweny minutes or so ago, every dog on the block seemed to, in tandem, go totally fucking bonkers, and Bootz, my inside guy, tried diving through a window’s screen to get at… some Verizon guy parked in front of my driveway.

The yard dogs kicked into full retardo mode at the sight of the Verizon truck at the edge of “their” driveway, and wanted the interloper delivered to their mitts.

ME: “Get the fuck away from my driveway.”
VERIZON GUY: “We’re just stringing some cable… we’ll be done in a couple of minutes.”
ME: “Glass?”
ME: ” You fucking moron don’t think I know where the prize falls on you eyes?”
ME: “I can shoot you in my sleep. What kind of speed?”
VERIZON GUY: “You mean bandwidth? 10 down, two up. Forty bucks.”
ME: “SWEETIE! Would you like some hops and barley?”

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