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MLB Starts Getting Real on Rhoids

Baseball players, owners reach agreement on steroids

Major league players and owners agreed to toughen penalties for steroid use to a 50-game suspension for a first failed test, 100 games for a second and a lifetime ban for a third.

Back in January I said the previous scheme was a bogus half step–especially not testing for bennies, which the new plan includes, but also the consequences a player faced for testing positive. The beefier penalties are an overdue move, because the previous ones were retardedly pain-free for the player…other than the fact players would be spit upon by the fans (see RhoidBoy) if they pissed funky into a cup. With these harsher penalties it looks like Selig and the assholes in the MLB offices have decided to start kicking these cheaters as hard as they deserve in hopes of avoiding a Capitol Hill shitstorm from crashing down on their heads.

So, how many players should we expect to see showing up down in Florida or Arizona come Spring Training time with stories about their “winter conditioning sessions” and “healthier diets” to explain their newly-slimmed looks? How many Sammy Sosa-style production meltdowns will coincide with the new physiques? How many stat machines suddenly look no better than double A grade hackers at the plate or on the mound? How many cheating fuckers retire to save themselves the embarrassment?

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