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Monkey Business in the Heartland

Where is that chimp champion Matthew Broderick when he’s needed?

Three chimpanzees from Zoo Nebraska near Royal were shot and killed by the zoo director after the animals escaped their cage.

Try telling me Frank J. wasn’t behind this…. He’s had it in for monkeys since his fever dreaming Jersey yoot. And fer chrissakes, he’s on Rove’s mailing list.
(Why is there a chopper circling above my house?)

The bodies of the chimpanzees will be taken to St. Louis for necropsy. They want to figure out why they didn’t respond to the tranquilizers.

“Necropsy,” not “autopsy”? I smell an ID-influenced editor blurring the truth….

The sole surviving, untranqable rebel simian, Ripley, escaped the fusillade, and raced back to his cage before his murderous warden was able to snuff out the last of the revolutionaries involved in the insurgency. And the Quisling, after gunning down these brave, noble “beasts” in his charge? This fell fellow showed no regret:

The director of an embattled, small-town zoo said Tuesday that the shooting deaths of three of its four chimpanzees will not shut down the facility.

But what of our survivor? What of Ripley?

Zoo officials said the fourth chimp was sent to a zoo in Kansas City, Mo., so he would have some companionship.

Huzzah! Out of this wretched fellow’s reach! Unfortunately, Ripley was turned over to peer-refuted capitalistic thugs, obviously in cahoots with Nebraska’s primate-plugging Dark Prince:

Ripley the chimpanzee will stay in private hands and won’t come to the St. Louis Zoo, Ken “Junior” Schlueter, director of the unaccredited Zoo Nebraska, said Thursday.

Accredited zoos aren’t happy with the decision.

On Saturday, Schlueter shot and killed three chimpanzees after four escaped from a pen that had been left unlocked in the Royal, Neb., zoo.

Reuben, a 22-year-old male on loan from the St. Louis Zoo, was killed. Ripley, the 15-year-old male survivor, was taken the next day to a private exotic animal facility near Kansas City called Savanahland Educational Park in Pleasant Hill, Mo.

St. Louis Zoo President Jeffrey Bonner, who had offered to care for Ripley, expressed his dismay over Schlueter’s decision.

“I personally feel and the St. Louis Zoo feels that great apes do not belong in private hands,” he said.

Especially when those hands are bathed in Ripley’s monkeybrothers’ blood.

Remember Reuben. FREE RIPLEY!

(tipped off to this travesty via, where else? MonkeyWatch)

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