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TO: Darth Boss George

RE: Current Fiasco

I know you’ve been paying attention, even if a lot of your time is currently spent getting amped up for the Derby. As a (sometimes too) heavily invested member of your stormtroopers, I have duly placed my bets on your pony with the local WOTB (Way Off Track Betting–like, local corner bar). I’ve even allocated a couple of bucks for the longshot Mr. Torre owns a piece of.

However, if you don’t start some major bloodletting among these bastards, especially the Tampa Mafia, this season is staying in the shitter. Remember, these bastards ain’t been hitting their weight for a while, either:

These were the same guys who could not get a deal done with total pro Miguel Cairo and overspent for Womack. The same guys who a year earlier saw Williams’ defensive liabilities; overpaid for Kenny Lofton; and a year later ignored Carlos Beltran, deciding Bubba Crosby was enough of a safety net. The same guys who traded Damaso Marte for Enrique Wilson and included Yhency Brazoban in the Brown deal — or in other words gave away what would be the majors’ best lefty-righty set-up tandem for essentially nothing.

These are illustrative of a Yankees phase when George Steinbrenner’s impetuousness and throw-money-at-a-star bent to problem-solving has twisted the club away from its championship formula. The Yanks did not have a 30-homer hitter on any of Torre’s four champions. It is not that homers are bad, but praying at the long-ball altar has removed athleticism from the roster while the team goes into sustained ruts waiting for a three-run blast to bail it out.

You recently had your mouthpiece release a statement from you, saying, “It’s in Joe Torre’s and Brian Cashman’s hands.” Well your Tampa clowns were more involved in picking the cards those two are stuck playing than they were.

First, a public execution of that fat fuck “pitching guru” of yours is in order. I mean, really, DBG, what did that bastard do to deserve that moniker? Where are the pitchers he tutored and unleashed on the rest of baseball to devestating effect? Name one! Hand “Banged Around” Brown over to the bastard right now, and give him until the All Star break to set that disaster right, or nuke them both.

That’ll be a message everyone would hear, loud and clear.

(Cross posted at The Darkside)

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