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Getting Retarded on ‘Rhoids

Some preening assholes on Capitol Hill want to get in on baseball’s steroids scandal. There would be good photo-ops and soundbites if they could haul these folks into a hearing room and shoot questions at them, especially the ones better known than anybody on the House Government Reform Committee (PDF). (Of the 39 committee members, I only recognized six or so names, and I actually pay attention to who’s doing what in D.C.) And there is nothing I can find on their website that shows me where they have any kind of jurisdiction over the business practices of MLB, Inc., but I imagine they are using this subcommittee as their inroad to sticking their noses into this mess.

From the NY Daily News:

Stanley Brand, a lawyer for Selig’s office, criticized the committee for an “an absolutely excessive and unprecedented misuse of congressional power.” (…snip…)

Brand wrote to the committee on Tuesday saying the hearing and what he termed “overly expansive” document requests “present significant constitutional and institutional concerns about the underlying validity and proprietary of the committee’s inquiry.

“It is not clear to us how the committee’s jurisdiction encompasses the privately negotiated drug policy,” Brand wrote.

With the BALCO federal case still playing out in court, this smacks of crass grandstanding. First, where the fuck is the subpoena for Barry Bonds? Here’s committee chairman Tom Davis (R-VA) explaining King Rhoid’s absence:

“He has said very little on this issue, and what he’s said has been conflicting,” Davis said on ESPN’s “Cold Pizza” show Wednesday morning. “We’re not out to ruin anybody’s career.”

Please, spare me this, you dipshit. Bonds is the center of this storm and you damn well know it. If MLB doesn’t kick your ass in court and put an end to this horseshit, I can write the script you’re planning to play out in front of the country right now.

First, the league and player’s union reps come out and get rebuked for turning a blind eye to the problem, then congratulated for the namby-assed changes they have enacted. Then you’re going to have Schilling and Thomas, two players who have been very vocal in condemning steroid usage among ballplayers, come out and blast the practice; then Canseco gets in front of you and reads off all the names he painted as juicers in that book of his. And then you wheel out McGwire, Sosa, Palmiero, and RhoidBoy. And you dicks will hang them all.

The first three deny everything, and RhoidBoy clams up, because of his involvement in the ongoing BALCO investigation and the threat to his wallet. If you bring up the SF Chronicle leaked grand jury testimony that allegedly has RhoidBoy admitting to sticking needles in his belly and his ass, you potentially fuck that entire case to Kingdom Come.

This shit is just you morons posing as ‘representing the fans,’ or some such shit. Fuck you. We’ll handle it ourselves.

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