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Who Gives a Damn About John McCain?

Kerry used him in his first anti-SwiftVet ad (since pulled), but still gets a chubby if you say his name. Bush is calling on him to help stamp out the 527 fires. It’s like he … counts.

Yeah, sure I know the drill: a zillion days in a bamboo cage back in the day. “Maverick” Republican. “Straight Talk Express” plastered on his campaign ride during the double ought campaign. Smeared by the Bush attack machine down in South Carolina during that cycle’s primary. Did I mention the POW part? These days that gives him some sort of gravitas when discussing the whole SwiftVet brawl.

So what? He’s an opportunistic scumbag with no core belief in anything other than himself who, for God only knows what reason (but I could riff an explanation out if I wasn’t working a different riff right here), got adopted by the press as some sort of Golden Calf after the South Carolina kerfuffle.

The first time he hit my radar was during the Keating Five scandal. Anybody remember that? It was one of those previous times America’s economy was going down the shitter and we were all doomed, doomed, doomed. McCain took a fistfull of cash and some sweetheart deals as payment to try and help his S&L bandit friend Charles Keating, who ended up costing people like you and me north of three billion bucks when the mess was all sorted out. But the distinguished Senator from Arizona walked away unscathed, the whole matter unknown to almost everyone who wasn’t 25 in ’85 as this current election cycle clocks on.

He skulked on the sidelines in the Senate for a while, then decided to get back in the game by working with Teddy Kennedy’s adopted nephew, Senator John Kerry, a notorious anti-military advocate, to try and resolve the POW/MIA issue. To a media consultant or some marketing major fresh out of college, it must have looked like gold, pairing these two tools. “We got a POW and an anti-war icon; we can close the door on Vietnam!”

They ran a whitewash investigation. “No,” they decreed, “there’s nothing to see here. Let’s move on.”

So Bubba Clinton established diplomatic and economic relations with the Vietnamese government. And Kerry’s cousin from the Forbes side of the family scored a 900 million dollar contract.

Why do you think Kerry keeps looking at McCain to bail him out of his problems now? He figures the bastard plays the game. What Kerry doesn’t know (among a whole Dave Matthews shitload of things) is that there’s no “Team” in politics the way McCain plays the game. Look at him now. He hates G.W. Bush’s guts for derailing him last time around, but he’s stumping for him. Why? Because he’s screwed in Arizona without an “R” behind his name. And because the media sucks his cock so hard, he probably gets north of 40 grand every time he takes the podium and bloviates for a half hour or so once he packs in his Senate career.

Look at the whole SwiftVet thing, in relation to McCain. He comes out ripping the group, when he didn’t know a goddamn thing about the group or its charges. He does this, an obvious boost to Kerry’s whining that they’re picking on him with lies, lies, lies, while McCain is at the same time stumping for Bush. What kind of sense does that make?

Where are the cameras pointing?

Fuck him.

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