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Archive for "Aug 21 2004"

Hero My Ass

I had a wonderful argument with an older friend who’s a member of the “Bush is an Asshole” brigade today while attending a barbecue. This is a hard core, actually bought a ticket to Woodstock, ’60’s hippie from the day. He’s railing away about what a scumbag Bush is, spoiled little rich shit, yadda, yadda, yadda.

“Kerry’s a fucking hero, man,” he tells me. “And Bush’s people are trying to fuck with him, saying he didn’t deserve them medals. A fucking hero, while Bush was hiding out in the National Guard.”
ME: “Bullshit. Kerry’s no fucking hero.”
HIM: “What? You too? Don’t give me that shit.”
ME: “He ain’t no fucking hero! He’s a fucking war criminal. He said so himself! He went in front of fucking Congress and said him and his boys were cutting off heads and shit. He said he was running illegal ops in Cambodia right on the floor of the friggin’ Senate. Your boy is a fucking war criminal, you stupid fuck! You used to spit on shit like him. How the fuck can an old hippie like you vote for ANYONE who served in Vietnam? You said that’s why you loved Clinton, because he ducked out and admitted he hated the military. Now you’re gonna vote for G.I. fucking Joe?”

I stood there for a few seconds and watched him trying to process that and come up with a response. Then I turned away and went over to the cooler and grabbed a beer. Some guy I don’t know was standing there, a stupid grin on his face.

ME: “What’s so funny?”

He points over at my hippie, now scowling at me, aghast that I had slammed him for backing Kerry by jumping on his hippiehood.

“That was mean,” the guy says. “I think you broke him.”
“He’ll live,” I said. “You heard all that?”
The guy nods his head. “That was the funniest reason not to vote for Kerry I’ve heard yet.”
ME: “Just popped into my head,” I said, waving over at my thoroughly pissed, nonplussed hippie.
The guy laughs and sticks his hand out. We shake hands and clink beers.
“Yeah, well I’m gonna steal that riff and drop it on my Mom and her friends. They’re all old flower power kids like him. It’s gonna be nice to have something to stop ’em dead in their tracks.”

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